Mom is trying to take over my wedding?

i am having a simply country outdoors wedding on october 6th 2011 my fiancee is a rancher but my mom keeps trying to change thing she wants us to get married at the aquarium but you have to have the wedding after 7:00 PM and then she said how about having it at gaylord opryland hotel i looked at the website and said no its not are style she started yelling and said fine i wont say anything about your wedding again this has happened before



i think it is because when my parent got married her parents could not afford a big wedding so she got married in a prom dress at a neighbors house and had only about 5 guests and had a potluck dinner



oh and my fiancee is paying for the wedding but how can i keep the peaceMom is trying to take over my wedding?
Bless her heart.



Dear one, your mom needs some specific tasks to do for your wedding.



OK so this means you have to be the adult in this matter - but apparently it's either be the adult and allow Mom to fulfill some of her fantasies - or you'll have nothing but tears and arguments from now until Oct 6 2011. Can you bear that for the next 18 months? I rather doubt it.



Sometimes people get carried away. So just keep feeding Mom tasks - pick out 3 color combinations, 3 designs for your invitations and let her make the final choice. 3 ideas for cakes - 3 ideas for flowers, 3 ideas for this - for that - etc. etc. Just make sure whatever she picks is within your budget. Do not let her go overboard.



Same with the dress - pick out 3 dresses you would love to wear (within your budget of course) and let her pick the final gown. Again, you've already picked out 3 you love - so why not let her make the final pick?



The caveat is that you have to agree to be thrilled with her choices - which you are because you've already narrowed down the choices to things you really like.



Again, it's either let Mom live out some of her fantasies - or you'll be in tears and stressed out to the max for the next 18 months. Not worth it.



So let the budget be your one rule. Be thrilled with everything else - but do not go over budget.
My brother and I were having some drama issues with my mom one year.



My mom complained about us to a close neighbor friend of hers, a verrrry elderly gentleman.



He turned around and looked at my brother and I and said, "Well you boys are going about this the wrong way. What you need to do is listen to whatever your mom says. Say, 'yes.' Then when you leave, do whatever the hell you want to do."



Those words of wisdom WORK!



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*Mom is trying to take over my wedding?
If your fiancee is paying for the wedding , It ends right there, its his way or no way. tell you mother to take a chile pill.[ Chilex] You tell your mother that he is making the call. If your mother is paying then there is negotiation to do. You are not going to live with your mother after the wedding . So tell your mother that you have to please your fiancee.
Well, we're supposed to respect our parents. But since your fiance is paying for the wedding, guess what? The decision is his with your input and approval. If he wants to get married on his ranch, there's not much Mother can do about it unless she wants to take over the bill for the entire party.
He / she who holds the chequebook calls the shots, go ahead and plan your wedding, smile sweetly when she makes suggestions, thank her for her ideas then go and do what you had originally planned to do. If you want her to feel involved give her a wedding related "project". What is she good at? My mother is really in to scrap booking and calligraphy so together we both went shopping for card and envelopes and other bits and pieces for the invitations and we made them together. So what is your mother good at and how could you put her talents to use?
Tell her you appreciate her input but its your wedding and you would like to do it how you want it done. She can help but only help, not take over the wedding
Just tell her its your special day and you want it to be perfect for both you and your fiance.
Good luck and Happiness
tell your mom how you feel. it's your wedding.
at least ur mom cares about u
Maybe try booking everything big first that is exactly what you %26amp; your fiance want. The venue, the DJ if you are having one, etc. Then once all of that is down in writing, ask your mom to help with some of the other/smaller things. Like you dress, the cake, the favors, etc. So she still feels involved, but it's not on the huge things you can't afford to bend on. Also, keep reminding her if she has any huge suggestions that you two want to pay for things yourself, so you are on a budget. And when she does put her input in on things, make sure to tell her you appreciate her giving you her opinion so she still feels like she's helping more than she might really be. Good luck with everything! =)
I have heard of this kind of thing before. And I think you have it exactly right. Your mom had a very modest wedding and wants to now live vicariously through you. She wants to take over your wedding because she feels like she would be "doing you a favor".



What this comes down to is just standing up to your mother. It doesn't have to be violent, rude or even nasty, just firm. What you need to do is firmly remind her that this is your wedding, and you are going to do it however you want to. Remind her that you know she loves you, and she knows you just want it to be a grand occasion, but that she needs to back off because the wedding is for you and your fiancee not her. She will be invited and you will assure her that its going to be a happy occasion. Then end the conversation.



When you stand up to her, your mom will be aghast. She will probably throw a fit about how she feels her help just isn't appreciated and that your wedding is going to be a disaster because she didn't help blah blah blah. She will probably leave the room and make sure that you can hear her crying in the next room. Just let her be. Ignore whatever she does to try and make you feel guilty.



If she comes back and tries to do this again, just repeat. As much as it might hurt to do this, its important to do it sooner rather than later. I know people who are in their mid 30s who have still not stood up to their parents, and their parents control their lives like they did when they were still kids.



So stand up to your mom, be firm, and be done with it.



And that's the best advice I can give
Hi Cowgirl,



I think that you just need to be open with her. Sit her down when she is in a good mood and talk to her about her feelings. Tell her that you know she is just trying to help and that she is nervous because her only daughter (or one of them I'm not sure!) is getting married. Tell her that it is your wedding and you want to plan it out too. Lastly, you should politely ask that she could still help you, but not take over. She is your own mother, she grew up raising you, and I know she will understand. :)



Good Luck!



-Sam